In 2010, Sasaki Itaru of Japan, grieving the loss of his cousin to cancer, discovered something beautiful: a poem his cousin had written, titled The Phone of the Wind. The poem spoke of a mysterious phone, one that had no line, no connection—only the wind, which carried thoughts and feelings directly to the heart. “Whisper to the wind,” the poem…
The five stages of grief were first identified by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969 as Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Grief isn’t a linear process. It isn’t as if we experience stage one, followed by stage two, etc. When we’re struck by grief, we’re all over the map, consumed by one major feeling and cycling through different aspects, moment by…
A DeathCaring Collective intention, within and for our community, is ‘death as part of life’. Death is often difficult, scary, and overwhelming. It is natural for us to want to distance ourselves from the pain of it, and there is an underlying belief in our culture that suffering can be avoided. It takes a lot of courage, and usually significant…
The holiday season can feel like a punishment when you’re grieving. Forced festivity seems like it was created just to make the knots in your stomach even tighter. Seeing other people throwing parties and decorating trees and wearing ugly sweaters on purpose might make you want to crawl under your bed…and stay there until January 2. So how can you muster…
The book with this title by Megan Devine is about meeting grief and loss in a culture that doesn’t understand. She writes: Most of what passes for grief support these days is less than useful. Because we don’t talk about loss, most people—and many professionals—think of grief and loss as aberrations, detours from a normal, happy life. We believe that…
“The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them. How much sorrow can I hold? That’s how much gratitude I can give. If I carry only grief, I’ll bend toward cynicism and despair. If I have only gratitude, I’ll become saccharine and won’t develop…
When thinking ahead to their own funeral service, a significant number of people choose “No Flowers, No Funeral, No Fuss”. By requesting no service, you may believe you are sparing your family unnecessary heartache, effort, and expense. You may know people whose lives are already crammed with too many activities, worries, and deadlines, or relatives who will feel obliged to…
Mary Oliver writes in Snow Geese Oh, to love what is lovely and will not last! What a task to ask of anything, or anyone, yet it is ours, and not by the century or the year, but by the hours. Everything we love in this world will not last. We will not last. “It’s never too late,” we say, smiling…
Excerpts from a magazine article by Alan Wolfelt were summarized by Margaret Verschuur. For people who have experienced the death of someone they love, holidays can be particularly difficult. What is intended to be a time of joy, family togetherness, and thankfulness instead brings feelings of sadness, loss, and emptiness. When someone you love dies, the full sense of this…
When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh When we are grieving, we may want to distance ourselves from our anger, confusion, or pain….